Understanding What to Expect in the Therapy Relationship
and How to Make it Work for You
As discussed in the opening page for this section, many therapists are coming to believe that the therapy relationship is one of the most important factors in successful therapy outcome. This may be more important than the specific 'techniques' they use in therapy. Because of this, it is important to understand what to expect in a therapy relationship and what you can do to make it work for you. Please keep in mind that what to expect can vary greatly from therapist to therapist. What is discussed here is some general themes that apply to many or most approach to therapy.
What to Expect
Therapy relationships often have many similarities to other relationships in your lives. You are likely to feel a variety of emotions toward your therapist, some which don't make sense. You are likely to experience conflict at times. It's also common to have some days which feel extremely productive and some days which are not as productive. Sometimes, therapy even hits a slump where there are several sessions in a row that don't feel very productive. All of this can be a very normal part of therapy. When they occur, it's important to discuss this with your therapist.
Each therapy relationship is unique just as all the relationships in your life are unique. However, there are also some similarities. Some of the unique aspects of the therapy relationship, such as confidentiality, a focus on personal issues, and the goal of healing and growth, are important to helping therapy be successful. However, allowing the more consistent parts of your relationships, such as conflict, hurt, and disappointment, to be part of the therapy process is also important to helping therapy work. For more information on the common unexpected experiences which com up in therapy, visit the Therapy Relationship Challenges page.
How to Make the Therapy Relationship Work for You
If you read all the articles in this section on relationship, you'll probably get tired of reading "its important to discuss this with your therapist." However, this is one of the most important keys to making the therapy relationship work for you. One thing that is almost sure to sabotage therapy is when you have a strong, uncomfortable feeling toward your client which you don't discuss or suppress. As Irvin Yalom is found of stating, "If something of importance is not being said, nothing else of importance can be said." In other words, when you are not talking about something important, it is likely to interfere with anything else you try to discuss in therapy. So when things don't make sense, talk to your therapist about it.
Conclusion
The bottom line is expect to experience a variety of feelings toward your therapist. Some of these will make sense, others will not. In other words, it's also important to expect the unexpected. Then, when these feelings occur, talk to your therapist about it. For more information about discussing some of the more challenging relationship issues that may come up in therapy, visit the Therapy Relationship Challenges page.